Tuesday, March 25, 2014


I didn't post yesterday. Well I did, because I've been trying to challenge myself to post every day, but it was just a baby post telling you how completely defeated I feel. And when I said defeated I completely hit the nail on the head. That's exactly how I feel. Defeated, unhappy, and whatever the opposite of content is.

I'd be a lot more content if the weather would stay as nice as it was Friday!

I feel so frustrated that I worked so damn hard to get to where I am right now, and somehow I still have nothing. I went to college, I landed my dream job, and I even snagged a hot guy to stand by my side through the process. And now here I am with a degree and job and a boyfriend, and yet I make less money than a Sheetz employee and I dread going to work everyday, I have no place to live, I've got thousands of dollars in college debt, and I never even see my boyfriend. How did I end up here?

I've been trying to make the best of the situation I'm in, but the reality of how unhappy I am with everything just hangs over my head like a big dark cloud. Sometimes I feel like I made the wrong decision taking this job. I thought that it would help me reach my goals- it would give me experience and money and eventually I could move back to Charlotte and get a better job. But I guess I didn't realize just how little money my paycheck was, or how unorganized my agency would be, or just how lonely this town would be, or just how damn hard it would be to find an apartment. Or just how much I'd miss my boyfriend, either.

I guess I'm just in a rut. There's good things, too, like my mom only being 2 hours away from me and the genuine happiness I feel when I work with clients. It's just really hard to focus on only the good lately, and keep my mind off all the crap.

This has been a little rambley today, so I apologize for that. I usually try to keep this space upbeat. I'll try to be more glass half full tomorrow! Here's a kitten to make it happier:

 Do you ever feel down & defeated? How do you deal?

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  1. Sorry you are going through so much. I feel your pain. My grief therapist said to me that it was ok to have our feelings, just feel them, own them. Then try to figure out what they mean. She suggested journaling about my feelings and that has really helped me. When I am sad I try to do stuff that makes me happy. It may be a tiny thing like a making a special cup of tea for myself or taking a walk outside. Even reading other blogs or looking at Instagram. I stumbled on to your blog a few weeks ago and thought it was so smart, darling, funny & cute. Your posts charmed me ♥ I hope you feel better ~ xo

  2. I use to feel that way a lot, I gave up my "old dreams" for new one's and I'm much happier. I think as we get older our dreams for ourselves change and that's okay, we shouldn't feel guilty or even sad about it at all. We don't let children drink at 18 yet we expect them to know what career is going to make them happy forever.

  3. So I saw Jillian Michaels last week (lol), and she said something that really stuck with me. Stop living life by what you THINK you should be doing and do more of what you'd like to be doing. Does that make sense?

  4. Hang in there! It happens to all of us. I just try to make more time for the things that I really enjoy. Keep trying to seek out the positives!

  5. Hang in there! I promise it gets better. I have been HATING my job but it did eventually lead to something that I'm actually going to like doing. And I live with Christian and hardly ever seen him.. I feel like at this age we just kind of get the short end of the stick when it comes to money/schedules/workload because we're all so thankful to have jobs because of those horrible student loans. But I always just remind myself that this is only the beginning and we have SO much more ahead of us and it will all pay off. It doesn't always help that feeling of defeat but it does most of the time! Keep your head up, we can do it! :)

  6. Sending positive vibes your way girlfriend. It's so tough to be right out of college with loans and a low paying job. But keep your head up, and your eyes peeled for other jobs. They always say "the best time to look for a new job is while you are still working at your old job."

  7. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! It is so easy to get stuck in a rut sometimes and it really sucks! I hope things look up soon, even if it means you have to make some changes. P.S. Student loans SUCK BUTT

  8. I'm so sorry to hear this. I couldn't agree more with Alex! Student loans are a lot harder to pay back when you were unemployed. (I am DREADING my impending broke-ness that will come with graduation!)

    Your blog is a great outlet to vent frustration and hopefully receive positive advice. I wish I had more! I promise to read your posts even when they are short or "defeated!"

  9. We all get there sometimes. You'll figure it out soon enough and you'll be feeling like a friggin boss.