Thursday, March 13, 2014

Dating Advice Isn't Real

I really really really hate dating advice. I read dating advice articles all. the. time. because they're constantly popping up on my social media feeds. And you know what? I haven't learned a damn thing from them. What I've learned about love is: you never really know anything about love. There are no rights and wrongs. There are no rules. There are no surefire ways to know it's love. You just fall into it without trying, and it's a wild damn ride.

If it's not that crazy passionate, I can't stop thinking about you kind of love, it's not worth pursuing.
With Sam and I, it's never been crazy passionate, have to say I love you all the time, just wanna be with you every second kind of love. It's always been a more comfortable, easy going kind of love. And I'll be honest, that used to bother me. I wanted him to act that head-over-heels kind of way, but it's just not him. And that doesn't mean that he doesn't love me, or that he loves me less than other guys I've dated who did basically worship the ground I walked on. It just means that he loves me in a different way. And that's perfectly fine.

When you truly love someone you hate being away from them.
Being apart is something that Sam and I handle with ease, and this is how I know that our love is true. But that doesn't mean that if you have a hard time being away from your SO that you two aren't as great together as Sam and I are. For us, separation is just a part of life, and if we couldn't handle it then we'd have no business being together. We want to get into careers that will keep us away from each other a lot, even after we're married, so the fact that we can spend six months apart without flinching means, to me, that we make a damn good couple. But if you and your hubs can't stand being away from each other for one night, and you never really have to, then that's fine, too! Because everyone's love is different.

If you stay together no matter how hard it gets, that shows you truly love your partner.
Nope, sometimes it just shows you don't know when to walk away. If being with someone makes you feel worse then being without them, it might not even be worth your time.

You shouldn't want to change anything about your partner.
No, you shouldn't go into a relationship thinking "he'll be a great boyfriend right after I change this," but you should want your SO to change, and you should also want them to change you. Relationships are about growth, and if you aren't growing and changing together, for the better, then what are you getting out of it?

So the moral of the story is- your relationship is probably never going to match up to every single bullet point on some dumb list about what love should be, because love shouldn't be anything, except just right for you. And on the off chance it does match up, that doesn't make your relationship any better than mine. Remember that what works for someone else isn't always what works for you, and vice versa. Whoops. I just gave you relationship advice.

post signature


  1. Girl friend, I LOVE this. Yes, just yes. For SO LONG I would sit around in my relationships with these weird pieces of advice thinking I was doing it all wrong because I'd want them to change something, like bring their dish to the sink after they eat, or I'd super duper enjoyed my alone time and feel horrible for it. You hit the nail on the head with this one, my friend!

  2. Wow, I could NOT agree any more! This is such a great post and you really hit the nail right on the head. Every relationship is different, every one of US is different, and that's why there is no relationship advice that fits everyone or every situation. I especially love #3, and it's one I've needed reminding of more than once!
    {Found you today courtesy of Whitney & so glad I did! Hi there! :)}

  3. You nailed it. Especially on the third one! Relationships obviously take work, but you can't force something that's not there. Great post!

  4. This is such a great post, I feel like each relationship and person is different so there's no real way to give advice. As long as you're happy then that's all that matters.

  5. I totally agree. I feel like when you have a narrow view of what a relationship should be, it blinds you to what is in front of you! Which often is great!


  6. I definitely agree with you! I hate dating rules (and blog rules). Who decided on these rules anyways? Jerks! haha

  7. Find single men looking for serious relationship in Brazil with now. Meet international singles and also get Dating advice