My Blog is for Me

Over the last couple months I've been trying to figure out how to make myself commit to blogging. I just never felt like putting in the work anymore. I thought the answer was to make it a daily habit, schedule all my posts the weekend before, buy a planner, watch less Teen Mom so I had more time... but I don't think that was it.  Those things would help, but they wouldn't fix the problem. The most important thing I had to do to make myself blog was to want to blog.

I started wondering the other day: I know I love blogging, but do I love my blog? Am I truly happy with what it is and what it's brought me? And I think the answer is no. I have loved the connections it's brought me, but I don't think I love my blog.

When I started this blog- and I don't mean this blog as you know it, I mean way way back- I started it 100% for me. As a space to write for just me. I didn't even care if anyone read it, I just wanted a space to put my thoughts out there. That really didn't do much for me, and I gave up after, like, a day. Then I discovered the whole blogging community out there. I learned that you could make friends, and money, and have fans, and that there were actually people out there who wanted to read about your life- like a reality show, but in writing. That was when I started blogging again. I enjoyed the whole thing a lot more, but the blog lost it's diary-esque element I had once wanted from it.

I got too focused on making friends, and money, and having fans. I wrote lots of fluffy posts that I thought bloggers were "supposed" to write. When my blog wasn't growing as quickly as I wanted, I got bored. I still wanted to blog, but I couldn't make myself sit down and do it. Eventually I just started blowing it off all together until I got to the point that I thought I couldn't come back. But what I'm realizing now is, I can come back whenever I want. I can write whatever I want. This is my blog, and it really doesn't matter what anyone says or doesn't say. Even if no one reads it I can still write it. I want to write for personal enjoyment, pride, and to teach myself to step outside my comfort zone. If I'm getting something out of writing a post then that is a success. Readership is not what makes my blog successful.

My goal for this little blog of mine is to make it more reflective of who I am. I'm going to stop focusing on goals, and stats, and writing what I think people want to read. I want this blog to be less fluffy and more real, raw, and more of an extension of who I am. Who cares how many comments I get and how many blog friends I make? Okay, well I do, but I truly believe those things will come if I stop trying to make it happen and just start writing from my heart.

Thanks to Erin for the advice and for helping me realize where I wanted my blog to go from here, even if I did just read what you said and then go off in some completely random direction!